Recently, while scrolling through my daily go-to for witty and sometimes enlightening philosophy, I came across an interesting statement. Contrary to the usual "woe is me", "hey look over here, I need validation!"-esque posts, this post was intriguing. It resonated with me. It read, "Being a mother while trying to repair myself mentally and emotionally is the hardest task I've ever taken on." I could immediately feel the depth of that statement.
I began to recall the rollercoaster of events occurring during my own self-discovery journey while being a mom. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. At all! In my new book, POWER, I discuss my journey and how it led to my need for this mental and emotional healing in the first place. More than that, I take readers through my journey of healing and repair.
Although, this was a self-discovery journey which required most of the work to be personal, internal labor that I had to do alone, there were more times than I care to admit that I believed I couldn't do it at all, let alone... alone. "God, where are you. Do you see this?" was often how I started my negotiations with God. That usually ended with me laying in my sacred space, puffy-faced and red-eyed, wondering how I ended up in whatever catastrophic, emotionally charged tale of defeat I'd successfully convinced myself that I was in the middle of. In every one of those moments, when I was expecting God to show up, it was always a close friend who came through for me and helped me find my way. It was then that I fully understood that within those friends, there was God working through them, as them to provide to me what I needed the most.
In a vintage interview with Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey shared the value of her relationship with best friend, Gayle King. "She is the mother I never had, the sister everybody would want, the friend everybody deserves... the therapy that I didn't have and that I don't need." While I was overwhelmed with emotion (hell, even Oprah was crying) and happy for Oprah to have that support in such a loving friendship, it made me a little sad. I'm sure that could be accredited to my not so "lit" social life these days, feeling like I'm transitioning through different relationships in my life that I was sure would be long-lasting. At a time where trying to maintain my own sanity and still be the hero that my daughter affectionately calls "Mommy", you can imagine the amount of support that is needed. However, as I remember my darkest moments, the scariest memories, there was always a feminine energy present to nurture and console me like a mother. I have always had a girlfriend to confide in when the burden of secrecy was too much to bear alone. I could her trust like a sister to never dishonor the loyalty between us. I've always had the friend who made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry (and because she was also the friend to bring wine, laughing was inevitable by the end of our visits together). Even in times when there was no one physically there, I knew that something within me was there listening.
To summarize, it's cool to have a group of friends to hang out and party with, but it's a completely different thing to have those friends who can love and support you even when the entire world seems to be against you. I used to think I wanted a clique of female friends mimicking the friendships as seen on Sex and the City and Girlfriends. However, as I continue to repair myself, I realize that all I need is God and a Gayle.